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Simply An Island

  • Ok. I'm going to ramble here for a second, just so this story will make a smidge more sense. I've only really had the chance to glance at a few of everyones amazing stories on this forum, and I'm not entirely sure if you guys like 'crack fanfic'. Basically that is what this story is though. My friend and I myself come up with random ideas all the time for dumb stories and that sort of started this one. I thought you guys would be able to picture things more clearly like how I see them since you're all hardcore fans (unlike some of my friends who really wouldn't get some of the little inside jokes in the story). In advance I would like to apologize for any errors you may come across, and I'm sorry if you find it difficult to follow. I tried. Ok, I will shut up now. lol OH! And 'Mini-wheat' is an inside joke... Just so you know. You might find it silly anyway.

    So what really would happen if Simple Plan was stranded on an island?

    I don't know if we do the whole disclaimer thing here, so just in case... "don't know, don't own, don't sue. This is not to be taken seriously. It was just a silly thought that expanded into a story."

    ONE MORE THING. This won't be chaptered. I just write chunks of the story when I feel like it. So I'll just put "UPDATE" before the post so you know it's new!!! :D
    ...........................................................................................................

    "Jeff...when you're flying a plane you have to pay attention to where exactly you are flying to or at," Seb lectured Jeff who was repeatedly glancing back at everyone on the private jet. He was completely unaware that the aircraft was gradually drifting to the left.

    "Right," he replied snapping out of the daze. He had been staring at Chuck who was balancing a tray full of drinks on one hand, swaying back and forth as the plane wobbled from the high turbulence.

    Pierre snapped his fingers with a lack of patience as he put his arm around Leslie, his current girlfriend whom he referred to as Mini-wheat. "Chuck, don't just stand there! We want drinks today you know." All that got him though was a glare from Chuck in return.

    "Why don't you get off your lazy ass then and serve drinks? You always just sit there on our plane rides."

    "I am doing something," Pierre retorted. "I'm busy looking amazing." Chuck scoffed at him, then fell over onto one of the seats, spilling the drinks all over himself in the process. This caused an uproar of laughter from everyone who suddenly decided to pay attention.

    "Well way to go!" David exclaimed. "See I hate to admit it, but this is why I miss Pat. He never spilled the drinks and always made sure we had food!"

    "Oh don't start with that again," Kendra sighed from looking out the window. She and Leslie were the best of friends. They were two peas in a pod so to speak. Both with blonde hair and blue eyes and both had an extreme sense of stupid humour; laughing at almost anything. So naturally they were best friends. There was almost no way around it. If one were to jump into a rabbit hole just to be like 'Alice In Wonderland', the other would more than likely follow soon after.

    David simply ignored the annoying blonde girl and turned the volume on his ipod up. "Jeff put a hat on or something. The shine from your head is reflecting into my eyes and is pissing me off." Jeff turned all the way around to look at him.

    "You know what?" he started. Seb took over steering the plane in a panic, as a result of Jeff's lack of attention.

    "Jeff! What did we just discuss!? When you fly the plane you have to watch where you're going!" Jeff stared at him icily, then put his pilot hat on.

    "Yes sir oh wise one."

    Seb nodded in approval and then sat down in the seat next to Chuck at the back. He grabbed a soda off of the tray and opened it, making it fizz all over the plane's floor. Pierre and Leslie pointed and laughed hysterically at once. Kendra watched them for a second before joining in.

    As their laughter continued they were joined in by everyone else on the plane. A chain reaction of uncontrollable laughter soon took over any other sound you might hear on an aircraft. It ended abruptly though when the plane swerved to the left unsupervised by the pilot who was spinning around in circles in his swivel chair. The laughter turned to shrieks and cries in a matter of seconds.

    "Stay to the right!" everyone shouted in unison at Jeff. Instead the "pilot" steered into a loop.

    "Well this is much better!" David cried sarcastically as they flew upside down.

    Leslie and Kendra were giggling and occasionally screaming, throwing their hands up into the air- or down considering the situation. "This is just like a roller coaster!" Kendra shouted. Pierre looked back and forth at them then shrugged.

    "You're weird, but, hey, what the hell!" He copied their action and threw his arms into the air laughing. "Whoohoo! Whoohoo!"

    "Are we dead yet!?" Seb cried covering his eyes and peeking through his fingers.

    Chuck was just getting annoyed as he crossed his arms. "Jeff, the blood is rushing to my head! Are you planning on flying upside down for the rest of the flight!?"

    "At least you didn't crack your head open." Seb said. "You're lucky I made you buckle up." Chuck considered this and shrugged nodding.

    David closed his eyes as he began to sing Aerosmith's 'I Don't Want To Miss A Thing' dramatically with lame hand gestures. Everyone stopped what they were doing for that one split second and then proceeded 'freak out mode'.

    "I think I got it now, guys!" Jeff called back to everyone. And for a second he did! The plane started to level out...but that was short-lived as the plane started drifting to the left, descending at an incredible speed.

    "I knew I should've flown the plane myself," Pierre muttered, drowned out by the screams.

    David looked out the window then pointed, a perplexed expression on his face as to what they were aiming for. "What is this!?" Pierre acknowledged his question by looking out the window to see land in view.

    "An island, David. Simply an island."

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on 18 Jan '09

Ok. I'm going to ramble here for a second, just so this story will make a smidge more sense. I've only really had the chance to glance at a few of everyones amazing stories on this forum, and I'm not entirely sure if you guys like 'crack fanfic'. Basically that is what this story is though. My friend and I myself come up with random ideas all the time for dumb stories and that sort of started this one. I thought you guys would be able to picture things more clearly like how I see them since you're all hardcore fans (unlike some of my friends who really wouldn't get some of the little inside jokes in the story). In advance I would like to apologize for any errors you may come across, and I'm sorry if you find it difficult to follow. I tried. Ok, I will shut up now. lol OH! And 'Mini-wheat' is an inside joke... Just so you know. You might find it silly anyway.

So what really would happen if Simple Plan was stranded on an island?

I don't know if we do the whole disclaimer thing here, so just in case... "don't know, don't own, don't sue. This is not to be taken seriously. It was just a silly thought that expanded into a story."

ONE MORE THING. This won't be chaptered. I just write chunks of the story when I feel like it. So I'll just put "UPDATE" before the post so you know it's new!!! :D
...........................................................................................................

"Jeff...when you're flying a plane you have to pay attention to where exactly you are flying to or at," Seb lectured Jeff who was repeatedly glancing back at everyone on the private jet. He was completely unaware that the aircraft was gradually drifting to the left.

"Right," he replied snapping out of the daze. He had been staring at Chuck who was balancing a tray full of drinks on one hand, swaying back and forth as the plane wobbled from the high turbulence.

Pierre snapped his fingers with a lack of patience as he put his arm around Leslie, his current girlfriend whom he referred to as Mini-wheat. "Chuck, don't just stand there! We want drinks today you know." All that got him though was a glare from Chuck in return.

"Why don't you get off your lazy ass then and serve drinks? You always just sit there on our plane rides."

"I am doing something," Pierre retorted. "I'm busy looking amazing." Chuck scoffed at him, then fell over onto one of the seats, spilling the drinks all over himself in the process. This caused an uproar of laughter from everyone who suddenly decided to pay attention.

"Well way to go!" David exclaimed. "See I hate to admit it, but this is why I miss Pat. He never spilled the drinks and always made sure we had food!"

"Oh don't start with that again," Kendra sighed from looking out the window. She and Leslie were the best of friends. They were two peas in a pod so to speak. Both with blonde hair and blue eyes and both had an extreme sense of stupid humour; laughing at almost anything. So naturally they were best friends. There was almost no way around it. If one were to jump into a rabbit hole just to be like 'Alice In Wonderland', the other would more than likely follow soon after.

David simply ignored the annoying blonde girl and turned the volume on his ipod up. "Jeff put a hat on or something. The shine from your head is reflecting into my eyes and is pissing me off." Jeff turned all the way around to look at him.

"You know what?" he started. Seb took over steering the plane in a panic, as a result of Jeff's lack of attention.

"Jeff! What did we just discuss!? When you fly the plane you have to watch where you're going!" Jeff stared at him icily, then put his pilot hat on.

"Yes sir oh wise one."

Seb nodded in approval and then sat down in the seat next to Chuck at the back. He grabbed a soda off of the tray and opened it, making it fizz all over the plane's floor. Pierre and Leslie pointed and laughed hysterically at once. Kendra watched them for a second before joining in.

As their laughter continued they were joined in by everyone else on the plane. A chain reaction of uncontrollable laughter soon took over any other sound you might hear on an aircraft. It ended abruptly though when the plane swerved to the left unsupervised by the pilot who was spinning around in circles in his swivel chair. The laughter turned to shrieks and cries in a matter of seconds.

"Stay to the right!" everyone shouted in unison at Jeff. Instead the "pilot" steered into a loop.

"Well this is much better!" David cried sarcastically as they flew upside down.

Leslie and Kendra were giggling and occasionally screaming, throwing their hands up into the air- or down considering the situation. "This is just like a roller coaster!" Kendra shouted. Pierre looked back and forth at them then shrugged.

"You're weird, but, hey, what the hell!" He copied their action and threw his arms into the air laughing. "Whoohoo! Whoohoo!"

"Are we dead yet!?" Seb cried covering his eyes and peeking through his fingers.

Chuck was just getting annoyed as he crossed his arms. "Jeff, the blood is rushing to my head! Are you planning on flying upside down for the rest of the flight!?"

"At least you didn't crack your head open." Seb said. "You're lucky I made you buckle up." Chuck considered this and shrugged nodding.

David closed his eyes as he began to sing Aerosmith's 'I Don't Want To Miss A Thing' dramatically with lame hand gestures. Everyone stopped what they were doing for that one split second and then proceeded 'freak out mode'.

"I think I got it now, guys!" Jeff called back to everyone. And for a second he did! The plane started to level out...but that was short-lived as the plane started drifting to the left, descending at an incredible speed.

"I knew I should've flown the plane myself," Pierre muttered, drowned out by the screams.

David looked out the window then pointed, a perplexed expression on his face as to what they were aiming for. "What is this!?" Pierre acknowledged his question by looking out the window to see land in view.

"An island, David. Simply an island."

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CUSTOM COMMENTS

Dude! I love this! I pictured everything perfectly!
I love the whole concept &&&can't wait fire more! :0)
xoxoxo, Lauren

tambourinexqueen
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Cool! Your story is so interesting! More?


^ Simple Plan concert 8/04/08!

"Pierre Bouvier" wrote:

No matter how old you are or where you're from Never Ever Ever Ever Ever GROW UP!

sprocknrule
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I forgot to add that it's VERY well writen!
Can't wait for more- I'm hooked already :0)

tambourinexqueen
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Gah! I'm so glad you guys like it!!! That put me over the moon today! :)

UPDATE

It was hard to tell which way was even up as the plane dove at the ground at an impossibly fast speed. Everyone was screaming and no one had the slightest idea what to do except cling to one another and hope everything worked out.

"Not good, not good," Chuck shouted over the noise. "This was a stupid idea in the first place! Pierre, you have the worst ideas in the world!"

"My idea!?" Pierre yelled in return. "My idea!? Your idea, you moron! If I could properly move right now you'd be so dead."

"Well we might be dead anyway! So thanks a lot!"

"This is not how we should be dying," Sebastien intervened rather calmly for someone who was about to be in a plane crash. "You don't fight before you die. Don't you people watch any movies anymore?"

"He's right," Leslie agreed as she pointed to Pierre. "Milk, I have to tell you something."

"What?!" he squealed as the plane neared the ground. "What!? Talk fast!"

"Oh my god, I forget, never mind!"

The plane crashed with so much noise that it was even hard for the human ear to consider.
.........................................................................................

Time passed at an incredibly slow rate, and it was thought to be a tragic ending until David squirmed ever so slightly and then sat up at a startling pace. He observed the wreck that was in fact the inside of the plane before crawling over to Pierre and then jabbing his fingers into the singer's side to wake him up. "Hey. Hey! Wake up!"

Pierre groaned in return, "what happened?"

"You know how I said 'what is this?' before we hit the ground? This is what the 'what is it' was."

"Huh?"

"What is this!"

"It's a wreck, David."

"No, this place is 'what is this'!"

"You don't make sense."

"You don't either!" He paused and then looked over at the drummer of the band, "Chuck!"

"It was Pierre's fault," he mumbled from near the front of the plane. "It's always his fault."

"No it wasn't," Pierre droned. "I'm going to kill you."

"You can't even move."

"You can't either."

"Truce?"

"Yeah. Sure."

"Listen," David said, "you guys can stay here, but I'm going out there."

"Good riddance," Pierre yawned as he turned over in the wreck and put an arm around Leslie, who snuggled into his side and mumbled about her favourite kind of cereal.

"Good riddance?" David replied. "Why? Why-why would say that?"

"Lions, tigers, bears, I don't know," the singer listed lazily.

"Out there?"

"Well obviously not in here. Unless you include Chuck."

Chuck threw his arm up into the air and clenched his hand into a fist, shaking it in Pierre's direction. "One day."

"So, seriously, lions and tigers and bears are out there?" David questioned as he tried to scrub the dirt off the window to see the island better. "Oh my..." He darted around in confusion as he tried to find the right way to get out of the wreck. "Where's the goddamn door!?"

"I think it fused together with the rest of the plane, Sebastien stated logically as he sat up and messed up his hair even more than it already was.

"Then how do we get out?" David panicked as he started scratching at the walls. "How do we get out?"

"Look," Jeff stated as he swivelled around in the chair that still managed to stay intact, "is someone going to bring David out there, or what? If you don't he's only going to keep scratching at the walls until his fingers bleed."

"At least there would be colour added to this ugly plane then," Kendra sighed as she looked around the dull coloured walls. "It's kinda drab."

"You're drab," Chuck argued. "Do you know how hard I worked on this stupid plane?"

"You?" Jeff scoffed. "You mean Patrick."

Sebastien hissed before frowning. "We don't talk about him anymore, remember?"

"Guys, David's getting a twitch," Kendra pointed out at the band's bassist who was in fact beginning to get a certain twitch as he sat in one spot.

"Oh hell, come on then," Pierre grumbled as he shoved Leslie off of him and grabbed David by the collar, dragging him to the front of the once plane. "Jeff, move."

"Yeah, baldy, move," David glared. "Always in the way with your bald head."

Jeff rolled his eyes but moved to the side and with one swift motion Pierre punched his hand against the glass of the front window- that also managed to stay intact miraculously. The result was a throbbing hand and a pissed off Pierre. "Freakin' hell!"

David smirked but decided not to say anything. He just tugged away from the singer's grip and watched to see what would happen next.

"Chuck," Pierre ordered, "get up."

The drummer sat up and scoffed. "What?"

"Bend over."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm going to pick you up and then throw you at the glass. I think that'll bust the window. So, you know, bend over."

David cackled with laughter until he fell onto the control panel and accidentally pushed a button. The front window opened and he and Sebastien snuck out without anyone else noticing. They were soon followed by Leslie, who was followed by Kendra, since the blondes always do what other blondes do. Shortly after the escape Jeff figured out what was going on and followed as well.

The bunch stood on the beach outside the wreck and observed it before anyone said anything. "So do you think we'll starve?" Jeff finally asked as he drew pictures in the sand with a stick he found.

"That's a very good question," Sebastien stated logically as he stroked his chin. "Well, here's how I see it. If we lock Pierre and Chuck in there, eventually they'll die off and then we can eat them."

"I'm not eating that," David shouted as if the whole idea was a serious one. "I'm not eating them! That's gross. And come on, what on Chuck is there really to eat?"

"I don't think you should be talking," Kendra answered as she poked his arm. "You're a bit scrawny."

"A bit?" Jeff laughed, "that's all?"

"Well what are we going to do?" Leslie asked louder than the rest. "Do you think we really will starve to death?"

"I doubt it," Sebastien answered as he scratched the back of his head and looked over his shoulder to see the jungle behind them. "I mean, there's this whole big jungle theme going on here. I'm sure we'll find something in there to eat."

"Like lions and tigers and bears?" David jumped.

"Maybe," Leslie shrugged. "Why? Scared?"

"Me? Scared? Do you know who you're talking to?"

"The scrawniest man in the world?"

"You know what?"

"You've got no comeback?"

"I'll think of one. It might not be now, but I'll think of something."

"Should we just leave the old married couple here then and go on a hunt?" Jeff questioned as he looked back to the wreck where yelling could be heard.

"Miiiiiillllllllk," Leslie called. "We're going on a hunt. Come with us!"

"Mini-wheat?" Pierre's voice was heard back. "Mini-wheat? Where'd you go? Where did everyone go?"

"Out the window, genius," Chuck was heard shouting. "Out the window, out the window! It's what I've been trying to tell you this whole time!"

catfiction
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oooo I like this! :D

emma_012
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Wow, this fic is great! Can't wait to read more!

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Wow. This story is great. I love it. Very original and I could totally picture all of this in my head.

?No it wasn?t,? Pierre droned. ?I?m going to kill you.?

?You can?t even move.?

?You can?t either.?

?Truce??

?Yeah. Sure.?

HAHA. I LMFAO at that part. Very cool. Keep it up and update soon.

Why hello, Cockney Cummings, I'm Busty.

sebastiensgirl08
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I'm excited to post more now! lol. More will be up soon! Promise.

When I wrote that little scene/argument thinger between Pierre and Chuck I totally pictured it in my head and laughed too!

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UPDATE

The two guys clambered out of the plane and landed with a thud on the ground.

"Graceful," Jeff nodded as he brushed some dust off of his t-shirt.

"Maybe we can swim back," David said after a bit of silence as the rest of the group waited for the drummer and singer to join them.

"Or maybe you could drink all that water up and we can walk," Leslie scoffed. "David, that's so stupid. You're so stupid. Why are you sooooo stupid?"

"At least I'm suggesting things! Not like you bunch. You just stand there like the answer will come to you."

"Maybe it will," Jeff shrugged. "A boat could come sailing by and we'll be saved."

David squinted his eyes in the direction of the roaring ocean. "Yeah, cause a boat's just going to sail on in here waving a flag and crying 'we're your saviours, climb aboard'. Baldy, I'm losing respect for you and your shiny head, man."

"What is that then?" Kendra questioned as she pointed to something floating in the distance.

David took a few steps forward, unaware that he was now standing in the water. "What is that?"

"I don't know," Sebastien replied as he too shielded the sun from his eyes with his hand. "Looks a bit suspicious though."

"No, really, what is that?" David argued as he took a few more steps into the water before cupping his hands around his mouth to project his voice. "Hey! What are you!?"

"David, it's an inanimate object," Chuck sighed, "it's not going to answer you."

"How do you kn-" David glared before tripping into a hole and falling head under the water.

The blondes started laughing so hard they almost fell over.

Pierre nudged Chuck and grinned as he nodded in Leslie's direction. "That's my girlfriend, man."

Chuck rolled his eyes and folded his arms. "Yes, and I can see how perfect you are for each other."

"Mini-wheat! Wooh!"

"Well now that you're all wet, you can just swim over to it," Sebastien stated to David. "Go. Swim!"

"I'm not swimming all the way out there," David argued. "It's got to be a mile out there!"

"You mean that raft that's about five feet in front of you?" Jeff questioned.

David splashed water at the lead guitarist before wading into the water a little more and snatching the bright orange inflatable raft. It wasn't the raft that caught David's attention though. It was the item inside it. "Holy crap! Guys! Guys, look!"

"What is it?" the blondes asked at once.

"It's one of those things," David exclaimed.

"I always wanted one of those," Jeff responded with a chuckle- still completely unaware of what David actually found.

"Me too! I always wanted to shoot one!"

"Alright, what are we talking about exactly?" Leslie demanded. "Cause I don't even know what we're talking about anymore. No one makes any sense and that confuses me. How can I understand you all if you're so confusing? Like. What. The. Hell?"

Chuck put his hands out in front of him and frowned. "Alright, you need to shut up. Just, shut up."

Pierre as a result pinched the drummers arm and then kicked sand over his shoes. "Who said you could talk to Mini-wheat like that??

"Somebody had to say something! I seem to be the only logical thinker here! For example. did you notice how dark it's getting out? Because it is, Pierre. It's starting to get darker out and we have nowhere to go!"

"We have a melted down plane to take shelter in!"

"The one that's floating away you mean?"

"I'm not getting it," David said as he tripped his way out of the water carrying the object. "I need to get dry. I don't like wet underwear."

Pierre spun around to see the wreck drifting further away from the island. "Well what the hell?" He smacked Chuck upside the head and glared. "Idiot. Why do you wait so long to announce things? We could've saved it!"

Chuck slapped him back and it turned into another slapping war until Sebastien cleared his throat.

"Listen. Chuck is right. It is beginning to get dark. I do not like the dark as much as I like the light, so perhaps we should..."

Everyone nodded except for David who was waiting for Sebastien to actually finish the sentence. "Should what? Seb, what are we doing? What's going on? Damn. No one tells me anything. Whatever, I got a nifty flare gun. Suck on that losers."

"Hey," Kendra whispered to Leslie. "Do you think we'll actually survive?"

"Don't worry," the other blonde answered. "So long as we have Milk with us, we should be oki doki."

"And the rest of them?"

"Don't worry. So long as we have Milk with us, we should be oki doki."

"Right. Got it. Stay with Pierre."

"Milk."

"Right. Milk."

"But you can't call him that. That's my name for him."

"Are you two going to stay here then?" Sebastien asked as he followed the rest of the guys further up the beach. "Cause we're thinking of going into the bush area. You're invited if you want to come."

"It's a Simple Plan party," Pierre called out to no one in particular.

"I'm concerned about being eaten by these bears and tigers and lions and stuff," David began talking again. "Someone should always be on guard of me. I got this flare gun now. I don't know if it will really help me much. Listen, are you guys even listening to me? Do you not know about the tigers in the jungle? Cause I don't think you know how dangerous they can be. I have a cat you know. She scratched me on my arm. It hurt. I even bled a bit you guys, and that was just a cat. I got bit by a dog once too. I didn't bleed, but it hurt."

Jeff snatched the flare gun from David's grip and chuckled again. "I don't think you should be holding this. I don't think it's childproof."

"Hey," David shouted as he lightly shoved the guitarist. "That's mine you know. I had to walk through water to get it! And I'm still wet. You guys, I have wet boxers. I can't sleep in wet clothes. I'd sleep in the nude, but there are wild animals around in the jungle. What if they come and try to do things to me? I'd be all exposed to them. No. That's not good. I can't sleep in wet clothes though."

"I don't know why we got rid of Patrick and not David," Sebastien muttered under his breath.

"And listen guys," David continued again, "I can't do too much work to help, you know? Because it's stressful stuff and I think one of us should save our strength. And since I already helped out today I should be the one who doesn't have to do anything."

"David, shut up," Kendra whined. "You're rambling."

"You want to argue with me?" he demanded. "The guy who found the flare gun? If it wasn't for me we wouldn't have found that thing, and the raft, which if you didn't notice, we left on the shore. It's probably long gone by now too."

Everyone froze then turned to look at him and in unison they all shouted, "GO GET IT!"

David jumped backwards and almost fell but scoffed instead. "Fine. Again I'll save the day. It's all I do and what credit to I get? Nothing. Nothing at all. Wet boxers and tigers coming to eat me. So I'll save your asses again. But this is so the last time. And-" He stopped when he realized he was alone. Everyone else was up ahead and still walking away from him. "Fine then," he called. "But if I get raped by some wild animal... Something. Something bad will happen. Mark my words."

"KEEP GOING," Sebastien shouted back.

David sighed in frustration and then continued the walk back to the shore.

catfiction
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That was great!

haha David... luv him :)

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I LOVE THIS STORY!! It's amazing!!

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Woah this story is friggen hilarious!
I can picture it all so well, and its so funny! The blondes shall die >:]

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Wow this chapter was so freaking hilarious. David = Love. HAHA.

Can't wait for the next chapter...

Why hello, Cockney Cummings, I'm Busty.

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You guys are awesome for reading! Thank you! I like that you get some laughter out of it! And David is probably one of my most favourite "characters" to write...ever. lol

UPDATE!

After walking for awhile the band walked into a clearing, and before Pierre could walk any farther, Chuck stopped him by clomping his hand on the singer's shoulder. "This is obviously where we're setting up camp."

"Are you kidding?" Pierre argued. "This spot is horrible!"

"I agree," Leslie nodded without thinking about it clearly. "It's too tacky. I mean, there's just nothing interesting about it. We need character, Chuck. Who knows how long we'll be living on this stupid island. We have to build character."

"I think we have enough character, actually," Sebastien shrugged. "I like to think of me as a character."

"But then our home should have character too. This area is disgusting. We're surrounded by mud. What happens when it rains? It'll be a slop."

"Well did you think about how you were going to cook or keep warm?" Chuck peered at her. "We'll have to build a fire. We need a clearing to build a fire. Or did you want to burn this whole island down?"

"He has a point," Jeff added. "I have to admit it."

"Do you even know how to make a fire!?" Leslie cried. "I doubt it!"

"I could try," Chuck growled through gritted teeth.

"Fine then!" She turned around in a circle a few times before picking up two sticks. "Here then. You're the drummer! Do something with these to make fire!"

"It's a lot more complicated that rubbing two sticks together!"

"You're the one who was just talking all high and mighty about it! Do it!"

"Whoa," Pierre interjected. "Whoa. Hold up. It's real men who make fire. Chuck can't do it. He's a boy." He snatched the sticks out of Chuck's hands and then plunked himself on the ground where he proceeded to rub the two sticks together at a fast pace. Everyone around him stared for awhile, having no clue what else to do.

"So," Kendra yawned after about five minutes. "This is sort of boring. Should we be doing something?"

Sebastien looked up at the sky and then planted his hands on his hips. "Well, if we're going to do anything it should really be right now. We're losing daylight. Let's see. We just need to think about surviving the night. So what do we need tonight in order to be safe?"

"Condoms?" Pierre suggested as he looked up and then realized what they were actually talking about. "Oh. Never mind. Wrong safety."

Chuck rolled his eyes and then crossed his arms over his chest. He scuffed his shoe against the ground as he thought. "Well, first of all, we'll need somewhere to sleep."

"And we'll need something to eat," Kendra added.

"And weapons," Jeff concluded.

"So then, we should look for those things around the area, no?" Sebastien asked.

Everyone agreed, except for Pierre who was still way too busy trying to get a fire started. By this point his hands were getting raw and his wrists were starting to hurt as he cursed repeatedly.

"Milk, this is sort of cool," Leslie giggled as she hugged her boyfriend from behind. "It's like we're living like real islanders from back in those ancient times. Like the hunters and the gatherers. You're like the hunter and I'm the gatherer. 'Cause you're the guy and I'm the girl."

"I don't like history," Pierre shrugged. "But whatever you say, Mini-wheat."

"How can you not like history!?"

"It's sort of dull?"

"That's it! We're fighting until I get back!"

"Fine! Go be a hunter."

"Gatherer! Gatherer you stupid man!"
...............................................................................

The groups were divided and then they were off to find what they needed for the night. Kendra and Leslie were off to find some sort of food to eat; Sebastien and Jeff were on the search for weapons; and Chuck was trying to figure out how to create an environment that would allow them to actually get a good night's rest.

"You know what makes good weapons?" Sebastien said as he and Jeff walked around, close to the clearing where their camp was to be.

"What?"

"Rocks. They can be used for all sorts of things. Weapons, cutlery, building... We should find lots of rocks."

"We should make arrows. Then we can, like, design a wicked bow and shoot arrows at people."

"Whoa! That'd be sweet! Who would you hit first?"

"I don't know. Probably Pierre. He's pissed me off one too many times. I'd get him right in the ass to watch him jump ten feet in the air. Who'd you hit first?"

"David," Sebastien answered automatically. "He just talks too much and when he does it's about nothing you really care about."

Jeff chuckled and then found the first rock on their hunt. "Are those coconuts up there?" he questioned as he looked up in a tree by chance.

"I think so. Give me a boost."
.....................................................................

Chuck was still trying to figure out how to form the sleeping area when Pierre got his first cut.

"Dammit! My hands are bleeding!"

"What did you do?" Chuck asked as he walked over carrying a bunch of banana leaves he would use to cover the ground with.

"I don't know. All I know is that my hands are bleeding. Perfect. Stupid sticks."

The drummer shrugged and began putting the leaves down to form some sort of mat. "What should we use for blankets? I don't know how cold it might get at night. This island seems like a weird one. What if it suddenly gets so cold we start freezing?"

"Use more banana leaves. Damn I'm really bleeding. Ah well, all in a man's job."

"It'd be nice if the ground was a bit cleaner. It's so dirty," Chuck carried on - seemingly ignoring Pierre's comments about his bleeding hands.

Pierre stared up at him oddly and then back down to the fire he was still trying to build. "Well, this is nature, man. It's not a hotel. Even though those aren't exactly clean either. Did I tell you at the last hotel we were at, we actually found jizz on the floor?"

"That's great," Chuck responded sarcastically. "We need to upgrade the kind of hotels we agree to stay at."

"I second that one."

"Now really though, do you think I could put something together to try and sweep up the ground a bit?"
...............................................................

"Would you be highly objected to eating bugs?" Leslie asked her best friend as they walked around in what seemed like circles.

"What are my other options?"

"Well, you could starve to death, eat one of the guys or, I guess you could just live off fruit. There seems to be different kinds of fruit."

"Obviously I'd eat the fruit then."

"Good, then let's just collect that for now. I don't want to try eating bugs tonight. Besides, I don't think Milk will be able to get the fire started by the time we get back, and that would mean we'd have to eat the bugs live. That's gross. Ew. What if it crawled back out of your mouth?"

Kendra shivered at the thought and then started climbing up a tree to get to an odd looking fruit. "What do you think this is anyway?"

"I don't know. It looks like some kind of mango."

"Can we even eat it? Maybe it's poison."

"We'll just get one of the guys to eat it first. If it doesn't kill them then we'll know it's safe."

"Good call."

"Why thank you!"

"Hey, I think I see David."

"Took him long enough," Leslie laughed.

"David," Kendra shouted as she waved.

"Finally," he panted as he trudged on over to them with the raft over his head and collapsed to the ground rather gracefully. "I didn't know where you guys went."

"So did a tiger get you?" Leslie smirked.

"No. But I thought I heard something in the bushes! I reached for my flare gun, and then I remembered that baldy had it. I could've died you guys."

Kendra snickered as she climbed down from the tree and stood beside Leslie.

"It's not funny," the bassist snapped. "How would you like it if a tiger came and threatened your life?"

"I think I could take it on."

"Yeah right! You'd faint at the first glance at it."

"Like you wouldn't."

"I wouldn't! I'd run like hell first."

"Whatever," Leslie sighed, not wanting to put up with another one of his long pointless stories. "At least you got the raft. Was it in the water?"

"Yes," he snapped. "I had to get back into the water to get it. A snake tried to get up my pants, but my jeans are too tight, so it couldn't. Bam!"

"So you have wet underwear again?" Kendra laughed.

"You know what? You know what Miss. 'I could take on a tiger but really couldn't cause I'd be way to scared to', I was going to use this raft as my bed tonight and let you guys share with me, but no more. Not you. You can sleep in the mud. Bam!"

"Like I care. The guys are going to bother you anyway, for being a diva and sleeping in 'the bed' while everyone else sleeps on the ground. That's enough for me. It'll give me something more to laugh at."

He stuck his tongue out at her, having not much else to say and then the three walked back to the camp, letting David drag the raft all by himself once more. "Hey, David," Leslie smiled. "Want to try this fruit? It's really good!"
..............................................................

Back at camp Pierre was about to give up and it was almost pitch black out. Everyone else had come back with something. Sebastien and Jeff came back with enough rocks to last them all a very long time; Chuck had successfully made a fairly nice sleeping area; and the blondes came back with food, and a David who complained to them the entire way back.

"Pierre, come on," Kendra whined. "We need a fire. It's creepy without a fire! Everyone looks like a creepy shadow!"

"Boo," Sebastien teased next to her where he was sitting. "Did I scare you?"

"You couldn't scare a fly, Seb, no offence."

"It's a good quality about me though. The ladies love that about me."

"Sebby, you're so cute," David said in a nasally voice from his seat in his raft.

Jeff rolled his eyes and went back to trying to see if there was any sort of spark for the fire yet. "Man, I really don't think you'll get it by tonight. Lets all just try to sleep."

"What's he even trying to do?" David questioned.

"Light a fire," Chuck yawned. "He sucks at it though, apparently."

"No kidding," the bassist laughed. "He's doing it all wrong!"

"What do you mean?"

"Just what I said. He's doing it wrong. You guys don't know how to light a fire?"

"No? Do you?"

"No, but I know you can't light one that way. Ugh, again I have to save your asses. Fine, give me the stupid sticks, Pierre."

Pierre surrendered with no hesitation and decided to try to apologize to Leslie instead. David wasn't sitting there very long when he managed to get a fire started.

"Well holy shit," Sebastien commented quietly. "Who knew."

"I believe I've earned my flare gun back, baldy," David smirked through the now gentle light of the fire.

"Ah, sure, what the hell. We can afford to give you one more shot."

"Takes a real man to light a fire," Chuck mocked at Pierre. "Guess you're not a real man, Bouvier."

catfiction
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haha! great chapter!
still, gotta luv David
David a bigger man than Pierre, what is the world coming too?
jk

emma_012
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OMG.
THIS SI SO HILARIOUS.
AND SO REAL.
I SO WANT MORE!

meggy_moo
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?That?s it! We?re fighting until I get back!?

?Fine! Go be a hunter.?

?Gatherer! Gatherer you stupid man!?

AHAHAHA! LOVE THAT PART!!!

You seriously have no idea how good of a writer you are. You have yet again managed to make me picture this whole chapter in my head. It is so amazing how you do that.

Good update. Can't wait for more.

Why hello, Cockney Cummings, I'm Busty.

sebastiensgirl08
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Thank you, everyone!!!

UPDATE!

"Get out of my raft," David shouted at Pierre who had tried to sneak into the forbidden bright orange boat. "Get out or I'll shoot you with the flare gun. I have it back now, so you better watch out!"

"Jeez, David, are your gitches still wet?" Kendra mumbled sleepily.

"You too! Watch out! I'm not scared to shoot you with the flare gun either! I'd beat up a girl."

"That's because you practically are one," Sebastien yawned as he rolled over onto his side.

"David, get out of the raft," Pierre ordered. "Mini-wheat and I own the raft."

"How does that make sense?"

"It's orange, David."

"So?"

Pierre sighed in annoyance before answering. "The raft is orange. What's orange? Orange juice. What does orange juice go good with? Breakfast. What are good things for breakfast? Cereal. What's cereal? Mini-wheat is cereal. What goes good in cereal? Milk. See?"

David frowned and then cursed under his breath as he crawled out of the raft and ended up falling on top of Chuck. "Hey. The ground isn't so bad."

"That's because you're not on the ground," Chuck complained as he elbowed the band's bassist until he got up.

Pierre and Leslie climbed into the raft and after David played out an improv scene of him "drowning" in the dirt everyone fell asleep.
........................................................................................................................

In the morning, Jeff was the first to wake up, having felt the sun's rays on his head a lot faster than everyone else. He yawned and looked over at- the what was a fire- and was now just ashes. He walked around their little campsite as he ate a banana; one of the many different fruits the girls collected yesterday- and looked at the scenery.

Chuck was the next to wake up and when he did he was surprised to find David's face so close to his. "Ugh," he mumbled as he looked away and found Jeff walking around. "Hey. David isn't allowed to sleep near us again. He lashes around in his sleep."

"Tell me about it. I think I have bruises all over my legs now because of him. What we really can't do though, is sleep on the ground the entire time we're on this island. We need to figure something out. 'Cause sleeping on banana leaves just isn't going to cut it."

Chuck nodded his head and then got up. "I guess we should do something about food, huh?"

Jeff agreed and glanced around for the pile of food the girls had gathered together yesterday. "Well we have a bunch of fruit."

"Uh. Anything else? I don't really feel like fruit."

"Bugs?"

"I'll take the fruit."

"Nice choice."
........................................................................................................................

It was another couple hours before the rest of the group began to wake up, all with the exact same reaction. "Ah, my whole body hurts," Pierre whined.

"Me too," Sebastien groaned before pausing suddenly. "Hey! Hey, wait! You're in the boat, Pierre. You shouldn't be allowed to complain."

"You shouldn't feel so jealous then. The boat sucks. No more boat."

"It's mine then," David shouted as he woke up and slapped his hands together. "It was always mine, anyway. you just stole it! Jerks."

"Hold it right there," Jeff spoke up as he held his hand in front of David's face.

"What? What's wrong with you, baldy?"

"You were about to start another rant about the boat and the flare gun."

"No I wasn't," the bassist mumbled before rolling over in the dirt and then got up. "So what are we going to be doing today?"

"Start constructing a house?" Sebastien shrugged. "The weapon-rocks Jeff and I collected yesterday could come to good use for that."

"Like a moat?" David asked enthusiastically.

"Do you see water anywhere around here?" Chuck sighed impatiently.

David motioned toward the beach area and Chuck sighed once more.

"Too far away, David, and that doesn't make any sense."

"Don't blame him, he probably still has wet undies," Kendra mumbled as she continued her half-asleep phase.

"Ha, wet undies," Lesley mumbled in the exact same tone.

"Regardless of a moat or no moat, Jeff and I still collected some pretty wicked rocks yesterday," Sebastien declared loudly to put an end to the stupid conversation building up.

"Hey," David interjected with a grin. "Hey, can we draw, like, googly eyes on them or something? You know? Like those pet rocks?" He cackled with laughter as everyone else seemingly ignored him. "Pet rocks! Come on, guys! What, you've never heard of them?"

"I'm going to the beach," Pierre bellowed. "Nothing progressive is going on here."

"That's because you're still sitting there in your boat," Chuck shouted. "Get up!"

"I am! Cause I'm going to the beach!"

"Is it a nude beach?" David asked. "I mean, I'm not usually into that stuff for myself, but I like watching the ladies, if you get what I mean? Yeah?"

Kendra reached over and smacked him hard. "Hey! Leslie and I are the only girls on the island right now! And I for one am not walking around nude!"

"Ugh, fine then. Be that way. Bitches."

"We have a bigger problem right now," Sebastien yawned. "I have to use the washroom."

"Yup, me too," Pierre added. "We have to decide where bathrooms are around here."

"Girls to the right, boys to the left," Jeff pointed out as he walked forward and disappeared behind a bunch of bushes and trees.

"This is so gross," Kendra whined. "I don't like the island."
.................................................................................................

Once the relief factor was taken care of, the band and two girls gathered around the what was previously the fire.

"Do we even know what time it is?" Jeff questioned.

"9:17 in the a.m.," Sebastien answered almost instantly before pointing at his watch.

"Why didn't we think about that before?" Pierre asked as he took his cell phone out. "We'll just call for help." He fiddled with the gadget for a few moments before muttering something inaudible and flipped it shut. "No signal."

"Obviously," Chuck mumbled.

"Well that still gives us a start," Sebastien exclaimed as he looked to the brighter side of things. "We didn't think about emptying our pockets last night. Maybe we have things that could be of good use?"

"Pockets inside-out," Jeff announced.

Everyone sat on the ground where they were and began emptying their pockets.

"Hey, I've got a Visa card," David said. "That's perfect! We can just buy ourselves a house or something!"

"Take a look around you," Sebastien interfered with David's short-lived dream. "You are on a deserted island."

"Oh. Right. Damn. Well maybe we can still use it for something."

"Yeah. Maybe. That's a nice thought though. You willing to buy us all a house."

"Sure, sure," he continued, already too intrigued by the next item in his pocket. "Well and I guess these won't be of great use right now," he stated as he threw a couple condoms in front of him.

"Agreed," Jeff nodded as he too threw one onto the pile.

All guys, in fact, added to that particular pile. Pierre adding significantly before pausing and grinning. "Hey, wait. My girlfriend's on the island with me! Sweet! Mini-wheat, we'll be fine for awhile." He continued to grin as he threw a pocket-knife in front of him as well.

"Good to know," she said lazily before placing down her cell phone, a five dollar bill and some chapstick.

"Hey, I have some gum," Sebastien said with a smile.

"Also good to know."

"I've got some lifesavers," Chuck spoke up as he held up the candy.

"I love those," Leslie suddenly shouted. "Holy crap, this is great!"

"Whoa," Pierre interjected. "You're more excited about that than the many condoms we now have in our possession?"

"Yes! It's lifesavers!"

He rolled his eyes and then scanned his eyes over the few items everyone had to offer. "So this is it?"

"At least we know if we ever are saved we could, like, buy a mansion if we all pitched in," Jeff enthused as he pointed to the wallets everyone put down.

"That is true," Sebastien agreed before catching a glimpse of the purse Kendra had next to her. "Hey! You didn't show everything you have, Kendra!"

"I was saving it for now," she explained quickly. "I mean, like Christmas. I have a load of stuff in it."

"Ah, I see. Well let's open it now."

Kendra opened her purse and began pulling things out of it at random. Her wallet, cell phone, car keys, hand lotion, some makeup, some paper, a couple pens, her ipod, a small bag of chips and a small bottle of water.

"Jackpot," David cried. "I get the chips, hand lotion, and bottle of water."

"Hold on," Chuck frowned and then paused. "Wait, why do you want the hand lotion?"

"I care about my hands," David answered with fake shock.

"Yeah, sure you do. Tearing my mind away from that thought we have to decide what to do with each and every item here. Clearly the food will be split up equally between us, but now we have to think about how we can use the other things."

The entire group went silent, having no ideas whatsover to help them. It was finally Sebastien who spoke up first.

"You know that treehouse home they build on that movie? 'Swiss Family Robinson'?"

"You really think we could build that?" Jeff laughed. "We're all musicians here, not carpentors. Plus, we don't exactly have any proper building materials. Not to mention that, that was a fictional movie, Seb. Sorry to burst your bubble."

"Naw, I agree with him," David interrupted. "Why can't we? We're all smart here."

The two blondes began giggling.

"Look who's talking," Leslie giggled in a whisper.

"Hey, shut up," David glared. "Really. I think we can do it. We just all have to stick together as a team."

"Aw, what a moment," Pierre enthused as he rolled his eyes. "I don't know where to even get started though. And I never saw that movie so I have no idea what you're talking about."

"I have paper," Kendra suddenly cut in. "I have some paper and a pen! Draw it out, Seb!"

The rhythm guitarist took the writing materials from her and began to sketch. "This will be the coolest house ever. We'll be like 'Gilligan's Island'. All of us!"

"Can I be the mooovie star?" Pierre joked as he sang a clip of the theme song to the once very popular television show.

"If you're the movie star then I'm a millionaire," Jeff replied.

"David can be Mary Ann," Kendra giggled.

"I'd be a kick-ass Mary Ann," David agreed.

And that was that. Everyone waited until Sebastien could finish the sketch so they could be started on the construction of their new home.

catfiction
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haha David would make a kick ass Mary Ann
btw great chapter!

emma_012
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THIS STORY IS SO EPIC AND HILARIOUS!!!

meggy_moo
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